Hotel Hijinks
by Karthenia
Summary: A short dissertation of the voluntary sleeping arrangements of the nations, as discovered by Sealand.  Warnings for mentions of sexy stuff and words like orgy and gangbang.


All was quiet on the home front, so to speak. The hotel walls were thick, so anyone who might be talking in their sleep couldn't be heard outside the room. The night outside the closed windows was dark and unmoving. The hallway running the length of the hotel, each door bearing a small flag of the nation sleeping within, was brightly lit and mostly empty.

Mostly being the operative word.

"A-are you s-s-sure ab-bout this?" Latvia asked worriedly, fidgeting slightly and glancing up and down the hall.

"Of course I'm sure!" Sealand said, laughing. "Just be sure not to close the door before I'm in, okay?"

Latvia nodded, tense and ready. Sealand lifted his hand, gripping the bright red handle a few feet from Latvia's hotel room. He paused, either steeling his nerves or just savoring the moment, then yanked it down and darted into Latvia's room before the first shrill peal of the fire alarm finished blaring.

The walls were thick, but not that thick, so the yelling and loud cursing was still audible as Latvia froze, panicking for a second before remembering he wasn't supposed to know that nothing was wrong and stumbling out into the hall and into pandemonium.

Doors opened up and down the hall, but not all of them. Mostly because a lot of nations weren't in the rooms they'd been assigned.

The first thing Latvia saw was England, wearing a towel around his waist, holding Russia back from attacking a tall redhead Latvia recognized as Scotland, who'd just come out of Lithuania's room holding Lithuania's hand.

"Dammit, you git, run!" England yelled. "I can't hold him back long!"

Latvia turned quickly the other way, shaking, only to be confronted by the sight of Estonia staring down the barrel of a rifle while calmly explaining they'd only been talking, while Liechtenstein stood by stammering, holding Estonia's laptop.

Latvia fainted about then, so he missed out on the good stuff.

Sealand caught Latvia, dragging him back into his room and hauling him up onto the hotel bed before returning to the hallway. This was better than he'd expected, and he didn't want to miss it.

"You didn't have to go breaking the bed, you know!" South Italy was yelling at a sheepishly grinning America.

"But you said you'd lost the key!" America protested with a laugh, holding his hands up defensively. "I'm the hero, I can't die handcuffed to a bed!"

"Now, Lovi, you know we can replace the bed," Spain said soothingly.

"You shut up, tomato bastard!"

"You are so _cute_ when you're angry!" Spain exclaimed, jumping on South Italy and getting Megaton Punched into the wall for his efforts.

"Just go get the damn key!"

Sealand snickered, shifting his attention to the glare fight Scotland and Russia were still having, then past them, to North Italy and Korea, who was wearing North Italy's night shirt and flailing at someone Sealand couldn't see.

He dropped to his hands and knees, sneaking past jerk England and his group, to see that Korea was upset with China, who had one arm around Prussia and the other around Belgium. Hong Kong was pulling his pajamas on in stoic silence, while Hungary was standing in the doorway to Prussia's room and telling Holland no, he couldn't go back in and have his go at Austria, it wasn't his turn to be on top yet.

This just kept getting better and better.

Sealand sneaked a bit further, past Korea and his wail-fest, to find himself staring at two women kissing.

He stared at Vietnam and Taiwan for a good two minutes while they kissed each other. Vietnam's hand was under Taiwan's shirt and everything.

Lesbians were awesome.

Finally, he managed to jerk his attention away when Prussia almost stepped on him.

"Hey, chicken Greece!" Prussia yelled. "Looks like you were having fun!"

"I was." Greece said, nodding as he and Turkey both helped Japan redress himself. "You?"

"Hell, yes, I was!" Prussia said, laughing. "This all of yours?"

Greece shook his head, gesturing at Canada – he was leaning against the wall with Belarus in his arms, using the full-sized Canadian flag wrapped around her to clean her face up – and then in the opposite direction at Switzerland, who had put his gun away now that Liechtenstein was shielding Estonia with her own body.

"My orgy was bigger than yours." Prussia said smugly. "My awesomeness wins again!"

"A group of men passing one woman around does not an orgy make." Greece pointed out. "Mine was a gangbang."

"Well, if you wanna get technical about it." Prussia grumbled, and Sealand had to fight not to laugh out loud at him.

About that time, a hotel employee managed to worm his way through them all and turn the alarm off. Without the noise, people began to calm down.

Well, some of them, anyway. Scotland was laughing and cursing good-naturedly while he and Russia fought back and forth across the hall, England having abandoned them to let Prussia know just how disgusting he was. Spain apparently still hadn't found the key, and South Italy was loudly proclaiming him an idiot and telling him he wasn't allowed into the hotel room until he found the damn key. North Italy was demanding tearfully to know why he and Korea couldn't join France and Germany in Seychelles's room, while France was preoccupied explaining in detail why Belarus would look much better wrapped in a French flag.

Sealand took a moment to zone out watching Taiwan and Vietnam again. Had he mentioned that lesbians were awesome?

But back to the funny stuff. Holland and Belgium had disappeared, and Prussia was dragging England into his room, saying it was only a letter's difference, and Russia was nowhere near his five meters, anyway. Ukraine had abandoned Denmark at his door to try and break up the fight between Russia and Scotland, and since she was wearing nothing but a pair of lacy blue panties, she did a good job of it. Greece collected Canada and Belarus, excusing them from France, and took them back into his room with Turkey and Japan. Hong Kong announced he was going to bed, and China went back to help 'subdue' England; Hungary went with him, already holding a video camera.

The hallway emptied pretty quickly at that point, until it was just Sealand and the lesbians. He watched them until Taiwan picked Vietnam up and carried her back into her room, then Sealand abandoned the hall to go curl up next to Latvia, who was still out cold.

All was quiet on the home front again.

So to speak.

Finland frowned, opening his eyes with a yawn. He cold have sworn he's heard something, but everything seemed to be quiet now.

He climbed out of bed anyway and slipped to the door, opening it a crack and peeking out, wincing at the bright lights. There didn't seem to be anyone outside- it must have been his imagination.

He shrugged and closed the door, padding back to the bed and climbing under the covers, pressing against Sweden once more.

The figure on Sweden's other side shifted, sitting up, and looked down at Finland curiously.

"Did I wake you?" Finland asked. "Sorry- I thought I heard something, but it was nothing."

Egypt nodded and laid back down. They both closed their eyes and promptly fell asleep.

Sweden never did have the heart to tell them what they'd both slept through that night.


End file.
